I recently made a posting on Facebook that reflected the changes in my physical appearance. Though no doubt I am still classed as being ‘morbidly obese’, I have & am continuing, my metamorphosis. Changing from who to whom?
It goes without saying, being obese affects your quality of life, and has a significant impact on the duration of said life. All manner of ailments are facing us, from high blood pressure, diabetes, to cancer. So we are encouraged to maintain a trinity to promote healthy living; diet, exercise & mental health.
Diet & exercise alone will be help mental health, but not cure, but sustain a better way of life. The adage “there is no gain without pain”, is certainly true. Aching muscles, hunger pangs, cravings and early nights, are temporary, momentary angst, which lead to making us “feel better”!
There lays the rub! “looking good, FEELING good”, is another motivational catchphrase. What if we cannot feel? No doubt you heard of instances where an enormous amount of infection has caused someone’s body to, in effect, shutdown. Unable to fight the infection, the organs…stop!
This is an accepted medical fact; the body can stop working. How about the mind? When faced with an unyielding amount of emotions, is it not then possible for us to, stop feeling? Every day I read of the concerns we have for our mental and emotional wellbeing. How important it is to care, to understand, & support each other. How mental health isn’t a taboo subject, but one that many of us suffer in silence.
As many of you know, my world was decimated almost three years ago. In 17 years of marriage, I had spent 16 of those years caring in one way or another, for my soulmate. During that time, I also supported & cared for others, my ailing parents, to name but two. Ultimately, having to face the reality of continuing life without all of them.
Faced with a tsunami of emotions, I was swept away only to find myself on a deserted beach, a place I call “Numb Bay”. It isnt on any tourist map; for why would anyone wish to spend time in a place where is it is constantly dark, foggy, grey, and time stands still!
Eventually, I lit a fire; a beacon, hoping that someone would see my ‘S-O-S’, and come and rescue me. I was blessed, help found me, there was only one issue. My rescue ship was at least a mile out to sea, and my only recourse was to swim that distance! I can’t swim! I had two options, try or die!
My metaphors cover feelings that I don’t wish to discuss or to put it in clearer speech, feel again! I will say this, it was a hard journey, that never ends. Today, I can hardly recognise the man in the photographs – the ones I share, the physical ‘me’ – more than 50kg of extra ‘me’ – or the inner photographs, the ones entwined in my memory with so many feelings and emotions.
Am I cured? No, I still suffer, I feel though and that’s why I suffer. Am I on medication? Yes, but not the kind you get from the pharmacy. I use the techniques I have picked up on the journey, my journey. This recipe isnt to everyone’s taste, and nor should it be! Everyone is different; I thank God for that. What is true, you can get through the darkness, you can survive Numb Bay!
Like a chick emerging from the shell, I am coming back! The person I was before all this happened. Would you change anything? Frankly no, without yesterday I couldn’t have a today; plus I don’t see any little blue Police boxes suddenly appearing, do you?
If you find yourself at Numb Bay you already know you have TWO choices; start paying Council Tax; or put up a flare and be ready to work your butt off like you’ve never worked before!
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