There’s more besides joyrides

Little house in the countryside

Understand, learn to demand,

Compromise, sometimes lie 

Get the Balance right, get the balance right 

Be responsible, respectable,

Stable but gullible

Concerned and caring, help the helpless

But always remain ultimately selfish 

Get the balance right, get the balance right 

You think you’ve got a hold of it all

You haven’t got a hold at all

When you reach the top, get ready to drop

Prepare yourself for the fall, you’re gonna…

Depeche Mode

Whilst at university I learnt the meaning of Subjectivity (the influence of personal beliefs or feelings, ratherthan facts) and Objectivity (the quality of being able to make a decision or judgment in a fair way that is not influenced by personal feelings or beliefs), and when to use or more accurately, when not to use the one over the other.

The Holy Trinity consists of Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and forms a shape similar to that of a tent that we Christians take shelter under. It is something we can erect quickly when we need protection from the world outside, just like the Israelites journeying to find the Promised Land.

In 2021 there is an Unholy Trinity which is more prevalent, “What I have learned, What I have witnessed & What I think”.  Too many people are driven by their own thoughts & what they feel is their God given right to share, never questioning whether their musings are correct, appropriate or welcome.

So if my belief allows me to be objective; relying on the Holy Trinity, and I am to use in measured amount my subjectivity, after all faith has a personal quality, what happens when the balance is out? When ones subjectivity is an overwhelming trait to the point of building to a Tsunami of emotions, a volcano erupting spewing out tears, with very little warning. The easy answer for the uninitiated is, “oh you must be depressed”, or “is there anything worrying you?”

I have had my share of experiences of depression and anxiety. I can put my hand upon a stack of Bibles six feet high and state for the record, this is not anything like that. 

This lack of control, because that is what it is, releases emotions out into the wild when they should be bottled up. It is not that I am not willing for these responses to be released, merely controlling when, for example not in a conversation or in the pulpit, would be a big improvement. I’d settle for a quiet corner, a room, my car… some solitude, and then sob my heart out.

This is a dividend from 2020, the year that never stopped giving, seeing some wonderful sights of humanity mixed with some of the more shameful. I have through each lockdown tried to do what I can help in both practical & impractical 🙂 ways.

A friend yesterday jibed “what do you buy the couple who have everything?” I must conclude having received counseling for my current condition and feeling pretty much as happy as I have ever been, something to stop the floods rather than a box of Kleenex, would be most welcomed.

With gratitude to my GP, for moving so quickly (30 minutes between eConsultation and prescription), I now have Prozac, and so far…

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